Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
