Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
