summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
