i would punch a child for taco bell
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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