my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
