Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
