so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
