a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
