So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
