I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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