I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
