well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
