If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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