I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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