:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
