He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
