Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a search helicopter?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
