You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
