wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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