This gyro tastes like lonliness
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
