history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Im part way to drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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