Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
