how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
