remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
