It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
