I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
