I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I did not marry a roomba.
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