I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
