counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
