You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
