Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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