i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.