When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.