Yo dont text me then not text me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird