i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
She needs sedatives and a leash
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs