The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
