You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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