I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
