I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
