too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
