I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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