Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
