My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
