White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
