love makes seman taste better
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
