nutella sex= disaster
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
