i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
