Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
