I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
