She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
