Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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