No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
