if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
