At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
