I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
