turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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