I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
