What did we do last night that was yellow?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
