I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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