No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
