u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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