I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
