That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my being single is dangerous.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
