Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
